Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just invented taco cereal.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
