That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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