How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
