haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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