I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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