I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
