office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
