Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
