I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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