where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
