Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
