I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
In America we eat man semen.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
