I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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