Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We are two peas in an std pod
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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