"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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