Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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