you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
