Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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