It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
