i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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