Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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