I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
is it fun? or sober?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
