Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
