if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
