I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
