girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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