So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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