escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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