Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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