week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
