OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
