I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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