I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
