That's when you crack a 10am beer
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
