Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
