I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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