Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
