i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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