do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
