he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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