Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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