you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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