Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
