She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think my moral compass just broke
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
