I'm gonna have a badass scar
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
