I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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