sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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