literally had 100 drinks last night.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
