I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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