but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
