I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
