when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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