I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
