Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
