Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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