I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
