Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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