i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
