hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Randomize
