Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
