So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
