Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
