tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
