I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
