my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
