operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize