I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
