I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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