Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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