Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
