i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
