Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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