So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
