i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
