marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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