so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
