dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
