I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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