Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
