Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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