I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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