You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
