Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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