who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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