I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
