Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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