Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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