My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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