Too much gin, very little bucket
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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