I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
