I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
