Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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