god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
