Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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